A Cariad Life

October 15, 2024

It is a cool, sunny day here in central North Carolina, and it finally feels like Autumn–the turning of another season. I’ve been away from these posts for awhile and a few seasons have come and gone. Last I shared, Darrell and I were moving back to North Carolina, and I had taken a position at a nonprofit in Cary. We were getting acclimated to life in the US, starting to settle into our new home, and looking forward to new career opportunities. As of right now, Darrell and I live in a lovely townhouse in Cary–we have furnished it with items that we love, and it feels like home. We love to take long walks together, head to the beach for a day or two (it is only a couple of hours away), cook good meals, and binge watch our new favorite shows–I love a simple life. And yet there have been several challenges in these past few months that remind me the adventure isn’t over….

I’ll start with our house in France…as you all know, we placed it on the market before we left for France at the end of last October. We were prepared for the house to be on the market through the winter as homes rarely sell from November through February. We needed to keep the utilities up and running, not only for showings, but also so the pipes would not freeze. It was frustrating to pay utilities for a place that was empty; further, our neighbors finally got their roof fixed, but the workers threw the broken tiles onto our new, beautiful roof and created holes–this caused water to seep into our apartment over the stables. They were just going to leave it, but we had a wonderful realtor (who could speak French) and took them to task–needless to say they cleaned up their mess, but we still had to pay for the repairs (too big a pain to fight from the US).

Fortunately, in late March, a Dutch couple came and toured the home and fell in love with it–they wanted to keep it as a B&B and wanted all the furnishings. As I mentioned before, selling/buying is a full 3 month process and they needed to sell their home in the Netherlands first. It all worked out; they sold quickly and because they had a contingency they offered our full asking price to sweeten the pot–our asking price was more than we paid for it. At the end of June, we sold our beautiful home in France (and because of the amazing exchange rate–Euro being at a year high–we earned more in the exchange)–huge blessing! It was bittersweet to say goodbye to this property that we had worked so hard to get and take care of–we were able to talk to the new owners though a couple of times, and I am so happy they are now pursuing their dreams in that lovely home.

Speaking of homes, Darrell and I started our time in Raleigh by renting a fully furnished Alternative Dwelling Unit (ADU)–it had a living room, kitchen, and half bath downstairs and a loft bedroom with a bathroom upstairs. It was extremely modern (think concrete floors), only 800 square feet, and within walking distance of tons of shops, restaurants, and cafes. We loved the location and the simplicity of life it brought. It was also on the edge of a neighborhood that was going through some transition–we appreciated the diversity of our neighborhood and felt like we were in the city with access to everything we would want. We also bought a used Volvo SUV and in that location, doing well with just one car (like France.)

Until early June…I had just gone to the airport for a business trip to South Dakota and I received a call from Darrell. He first assured me that he was fine, but that the police were at our house because apparently, at 1pm on a Wednesday, a car drove by our house, and the rider used an automatic gun to shoot into our car, house, and the neighbor’s house. One bullet went into our car and two more into our house–four bullets went into the neighboring house. Darrell was upstairs at the time and the bullet entered the laundry room downstairs. Fortunately and amazingly, no one was hurt or killed! I rushed out of the airport, grabbed a taxi, and had to be let through the police tape by the officers–as they yelled out, “the victim’s wife is here!” What a way to come back to the US–being victims of a drive-by shooting. Ultimately, we were able to get out of our lease and move a few weeks later (that was a long few weeks), but I sit with the fact that we had the means to move–so many others do not, so many must live with this kind of violence every day. In case you are wondering, no, they never found the shooters and it appeared to be “random.” So…although we have moved, the cost of repairing the bullet hole and removing the bullet (in our tailgate) would have totaled our car–long story short, we had the insurance company pay us out, we kept driving the car, and slapped a magnet that says “NC” over the bullet hole. You can still hear the bullet in the tailgate…our lives are never boring.

During all of this, Darrell and I turned 50, and I dove in head first to my new role as Managing Director–working 50-60 hour weeks, often adding a few more hours in on the weekend. I traveled across the country and was stretched to learn new skills and take on more responsibility. In July, I was promoted to Chief Operating Officer. I experienced a lot of success, worked with some amazing people, and learned more than ever about education policy…and then on September 13, I resigned. I won’t and will never talk about a position or my experiences at an organization in a public forum. All I will say is at the end eight months, I was not in a good space–not only was I exhausted… I was disillusioned. Led to believe that we were going in a certain direction, there was a dramatic shift in my last few months there. I knew that although I loved the work, I could not in my role remain, and through my presence, support what was happening. Y’all I was crushed, and I felt all the things…disappointment, frustration, heartache, hurt, etc. I really needed a reset, a reminder of who I am and what I value, and then another big blow.

A day or two before my last day of work, my 90 year old grandfather who lives in Michigan was in a horrible accident–his blood sugar dipped horribly low after leaving the doctor’s office and he passed out while driving–he drove through a barn before hitting a ditch–breaking his neck. Although he could still move his limbs, he was in very bad shape. My brother flew out to be with him the weekend after my last day of work, and I knew I needed to see him too.

So, I talked about it with Darrell–I had mentioned even before the accident that it would be really great after my last day to go out see our boys (we have not seen Noah since last October when he and Chloe got married) and although we had Caleb here this summer, I wanted to see him and Tobi. We also still had some items in storage and now that we had the townhouse and some room, we could go get them (mainly books, Christmas ornaments, pictures, and kitchen tools). I mentioned that I have always wanted to drive across the country–what if I flew to Michigan and saw my Grandpa, then flew to Seattle, rented an SUV, and drove our stuff back? You all know the kind of man I married–he is on Team Moriah–he offered to go with me, but said, “I think you need this time–it would be good for you.” I totally agreed…so I did it. I took the first week to see my family in Michigan and to fly out to Seattle to see our sons and some extended family on Vancouver Island, and then I drove 3000 miles all by myself. I planned out my trip and stayed at some really cool places along the way; I ate by myself in restaurants at night (weird that they always seat people who are alone at the bar); I listened to whatever music I wanted; but, most of the time, I drove in silence–sometimes thinking and sometimes not. Here were the benefits of those two weeks–the first few days in Michigan, a few days with my boys and extended family in Vancouver Island, and five days/four nights of driving by myself….

–I was able to say goodby to my grandpa–he was later moved to hospice and passed away this past week. I’ll write a post later devoted to all I learned from this amazing human being.
–I saw and spoke with my dad for the first time in fifteen years, as he came to Michigan to see my grandpa–my dad doesn’t have contact with his three children and has never met our sons…it was scary wading into all of that, but there was some healing there.
–I connected with family I had not seen in years as we mourned and laughed together.
–Solo-driving across the country gave me a sense of accomplishment–there is no one else to drive when you get tired…you just have to dig in, set goals for yourself, and finish it.
–The trip gave me 2 weeks and 3000 miles of separation between me and my former job–I remembered (again) that there is a BIG world out there and that my experiences in the last 8 months were just a very small part of that.
–It gave me the chance to reset–I met kind and amazing people (who thought my solo drive was pretty cool) and I gradually began to dream and think about other things. I rediscovered my appreciation for the beauty of nature, our gorgeous country, my relationships (so good to see my boys and extended family), my home (it really is the best thing in the world to pull into your driveway after driving 3000 miles) and who I am–I really enjoyed spending time with me.
–It gave me the opportunity to connect with Darrell–every day, we would talk on the phone–sometimes for hours (haven’t done that since we were dating). He would follow my progress on the map, and he was instrumental in steering me out of Hurricane Helene’s path (I had planned to go through Asheville)

A friend wrote on my post about that trip that every person should do a solo trip at least once in their life–I completely agree! I also think as married people we worry that it perhaps means we don’t love our spouse or that it isn’t healthy for a good marriage–I’ve heard that type of thing in my life and even my former boss thought it was strange that I would do this trip without Darrell or that Darrell would let me do it without him (hmm…well that’s telling.) I am thankful that Darrell has always valued me as an individual, and is also not threatened by my independence–he encourages me to be fully me…and it makes me want to be with him in this partnership even more.

So what’s next…it has been a month since I left my job, and I am very fortunate that with the sale of our home, I have a bit of a cushion to look for the next opportunity. I am being very selective and in the meantime, I am enjoying again all of the things that the 60 hour work weeks squeezed out–cooking, reading, writing (just getting back to it), creating a home and inviting other to enjoy it with us (supper club anyone?), taking a walk every day, and sometimes…just sitting.