A Cariad Life

Autumn is the season that teaches us that change can be beautiful – Heather A. Stillufsen

On Monday, October 30, Darrell and I landed in Raleigh, North Carolina, after hauling our six, humongous suitcases and two backpacks through packed airports in Bordeaux and Paris and a brief stop in Reykjavik. After traveling for almost 24 hours, renting an SUV that would fit all of our belongings, and driving the 1.5 hours to Asheboro…we finally crashed at my mom’s house with a cup of hot tea, a thick piece of toast slathered with butter, and a slice of cheddar cheese (my comfort food!)

There is something about coming home, especially coming home to your mom’s house, that provides comfort like no other. I did not grow up in the house she has now, but nevertheless it is home because it is so “my mom.” She has a sweet little cottage with cozy sitting areas, softly lit rooms, and she has adorned it all with her curated collections of beautiful dishes and her art. She also has a sweet little cat that gave me lots of love over two weeks (I’m not really a cat person, but she may have converted me:) She has a deep front porch with rocking chairs and lives in a charming neighborhood perfect for walking and just one block from the elementary school I attended growing up.

For two weeks, Darrell and I rested and ate good meals, both ones we all cooked and those familiar ones from restaurants I grew up with and/or are unique to Asheboro…Sir Pizza, The Table, and Magnolia (which may have the best fried chicken anywhere in the South). We had meals with friends, went to church (it had been 11 months), and sat on my mom’s front porch as the day dwindled into twilight. I made sweet iced tea and helped give out candy to the costumed little ones who trundled up to my mom’s front door on Halloween. Darrell and I helped my mom lay a new path to her front door with pebbles, cleared the drive of leaves with a leaf blower, and helped with odd jobs around the house. We took long walks, where I remembered my childhood friends who lived and grew up in several houses in the neighborhood. Each night, we would make hot tea and settle in for British detective shows in my mom’s cozy upstairs den. One weekend, we visited Darrell’s dad about an hour away and enjoyed fried fish and touring the antique mall (without buying a thing!) It really was a good respite from the business of the B&B over the summer, and it reminded me of my roots.

In the midst of these two weeks, the leaves began changing to brilliant shades of yellow and orange and then slowly, and then quickly fall from the trees…reminding me that change is beautiful. It’s amazing isn’t it that this particular type of change is also a death of sorts, an ending…and yet it is beautiful. We know that there will be barrenness in the winter ahead, but there is a cycle…and each transition happens, so the next stage can begin. Our time in France has come to an end–it was a death of sorts, as it had been our dream for so many years, but there is also anticipation about what is ahead.

And here is where Darrell and I find ourselves…in the most transition we have ever faced in our lives. Even in France, with everything so different, we knew how we would fill our days–the work we would be doing. Here, back in the US with the familiar, neither of us know yet. We have been applying for roles since September. We both have had some progression and there are some positive things in the works. Yet, right at this exact moment, neither of us have a job–yikes, it’s scary even writing that! We are also in a temporary landing space (in the same place in Greenville we stayed before we went to France), but it is not a home yet. We have been blessed and there has been provision–I won’t go into everything, but we have a place to live in Greenville; we have a car that has been kindly loaned to us; and, we have family and friends who have surrounded us and poured into us.

In the midst of our revenue situation and trying to sell our French house and car, I am also working through my own feelings of Fear of Looking Stupid (FOLS–yes, I made that one up). Every day I ask myself, “should we have just stayed in the US.” I wonder if we look foolish for taking such a big risk and then coming home within a year. It has been my childhood friends, friends who believe in me and reach out to check on me, and our family who have reminded me–“you did it; you did what many people would never have the courage to do, and I can’t wait to see what you do next.” There is no shame from them; I don’t look stupid to them–it appears they think I am brave and willing to take risks. Hmmm..interesting that our fear is often the very opposite of the truth; good friends and family remind you of that.

So Darrell and I are stepping out into this change…I can’t wait to share with you what is formulating. In many ways, I’m stretching my own beliefs about myself and what I can do. In the meantime, Darrell and I continue to encourage one another–he has been the perfect partner in this adventure and is now more than ever, my best friend. I am also learning to sit with God on this and let Him unfurl the plan ahead, letting Him show me there is beauty in this time and what I may see as death and ashes for now will lead to a beautiful next season.