A Cariad Life

I am well overdue for a blog…it has been exactly a month since I’ve written, and our lives since my last blog are taking a bit of a different direction. First, let me say, we are good; our marriage is good, and we are healthy and clear headed. Now…with that out of the way, let me share what we have been working through for the last two months…

I’ll start with the B&B–we have been BUSY, SUPER busy. Since the beginning of July, we have been working pretty much non-stop–turning over rooms, greeting new guests, working through the logistics of wedding guests every weekend and holiday travelers during the week. Someone told me that they thought this tourist season was slower than other years, but I can tell you we didn’t feel that. There were moments I was ironing sheets to get on the beds at 4:45pm, just 15 minutes before a 5pm check-in. Our review scores and ratings have been great, and we seem to be getting the hang of this work. For the first two weeks of August, Caleb, our youngest son, was here for a visit. We loved just being with him, enjoying French food, and giving him hugs whenever we could–he was also a life saver–vacuuming, helping make beds, and refilling supplies in the guest rooms. (I am not sure how we would have made it through without him). This month, we hosted some of our good friends from Maryland for 10 days–it was so wonderful having dinner together each night and just connecting as people.

July and August, though, began to make some things very clear: even in our busiest times, we are not able to make the money long-term that we need to ensure we are set for retirement and to pay our youngest son’s college bills–let alone ensure they can get out here to see us or that we can get out to see them. We’ve learned just how much we are paying in taxes (income and property). This was a sobering lesson for us because as hard as we were working, we cannot change our model much to earn more. One day, towards the end of August after Caleb had left to return to the US, Darrell and I sat down and decided to write out what was good and not good about being in France. There was a lot of good, but there were also three major things that were not good and fit in three major buckets:

1. Financial–Living in France, due to the type of visa we have and the work we are approved to do here, limits us financially–placing us in a situation that although we can get by, we cannot save or invest in the future
2. Family–Our parents are growing older and our children are far way; although this is not new, some things have happened since we came to France that really need us back in the US. (A lot here that is not mine to share…)
3. Support system–Our jobs, particularly working every Sunday morning and almost every evening, preclude us from building social networks and certainly keep us from finding any church community–it is becoming increasingly difficult to thrive and grow without that.

As we finished the list, I looked at Darrell and said, “we have to go back, don’t we?” It was so hard to come to this place together–we spent so much time and effort, sacrificed so much to be here, and then to leave before we even get to a year seemed like a waste. So for the last six weeks, we’ve been coming to peace with it. Here is what we have repeated to ourselves:

1. Both things can be true: we were supposed to come to France, changing us for the better AND we are supposed to go back to the US for our long-term financial and emotional health.
2. We did not fail; we were successful in this business and it is better (more successfully financially and in ratings) than when we took it on.
3. We love and will miss France, and there are things (tangible and non-tangible) we will take back with us.
4. It took courage to do what we did and nothing will take away from that.
5. We would have regretted not doing this–I am so glad we tried it.
6. Ultimately, although we have loved living in France, turning over rooms for a B&B is not what we want to do for the long haul–it’s OK to learn that, to admit it, and move on from it.
7. Nothing, no dream, is worth the well-being of your family–they come first. Whether it is my husband’s well being (as he has been so supportive in this work), our parents, or our children–they are the most important.

So, there it is…after coming to peace with it, we contacted our immediate family and told them (we did not want them learning about it via an FB post) and then we put our B&B on the market–it went live yesterday. This Thursday, we travel back to the US for Noah and Chloe’s wedding this weekend and we are elated to be together with them again. My mom is traveling back to France with us after the wedding and enjoying our place for the first two weeks in October. At this point, our last guest is October 24, and we have one-way tickets booked for October 30. We plan to be on the East Coast to be near our parents, and we are looking for jobs (think of us if you hear of anything.)

Thank you all for traveling on this journey with me–I hope it encouraged you to dream! This is not goodbye–I’ll keep writing and will keep you posted about what is ahead. For now, a bientot!