A Cariad Life

Today is Veteran’s Day, so first, thank you to all those who have served our country in our armed forces. Among those, my maternal grandfather, my father, my father-in-law, and my half brother have all served or are currently serving. This rich history of service is very much woven into the values of our family–the fact that we are all here, enjoying our freedoms, because of those who have chosen to sacrifice for the greater good was a lesson Darrell and I learned very early on and tried to instill in our kids…thank you to each of you who have sacrificed so much!

Also, as an update, as of today, we leave for France in 25 days! On Monday, we are going to the SC DMV and getting our SC drivers’ licenses, and no, we still don’t have our passports or visas yet–we are trying to patiently wait and remember, they are not late yet!

Darrell and I have have been on the East Coast for almost a week now. It was so good to spend the first night here with my mom, in her beautiful, cozy home and to go to church with her on Sunday. I saw so many people there who invested into me from the time I was just a little girl, and I know they continue to cheer for my success. This past weekend, I was reminded of the deep roots of my hometown–people who work hard, care deeply for each other, and try to live honestly and authentically. We may not agree on everything, but their hearts are true and real. Darrell and I both feel so blessed to have that foundation. This coming weekend, we have the opportunity to see his dad, who is turning 81 this year, and then to have brunch with Darrell’s sister and our nephews. We are so thankful for this opportunity to connect with them before we leave.

We are enjoying our time in our little 3rd floor apartment–although we are both still working remotely, we are now 3 hours ahead, so “work” doesn’t really start until about noon. Yes, we are sleeping in, drinking coffee (more than one cup) at a leisurely pace, and enjoying really long walks and opportunities to read before we dive into work. This week, we had the opportunity to have lunch with the owner of the home where we are living and share our story and hear hers–I love how all of us have the opportunity to connect and learn about new people and their journeys. Every person has such a beautiful and unique story!

So what is happening in us during this time of waiting–these last few weeks before we go to France? In all of our 25 years of marriage, this is the most time Darrell and I have spent together–in this small space of about 800 square feet, we’ve learned when to just be quiet and when to spend time talking together, both of us learning to work at the same dining table/desk!

Two days ago on one of our 5 mile walks, we walked down to the first house we lived in once we got married. We paused to take a picture in front of it and marveled at the changes in the neighborhood. I thought of that young 23 year old bride who moved into the house at the end of June 1997–I remember there was a banner that Darrell had hung in the living room before he left for our wedding that said, “Welcome Mrs. Martin.” I recall that the title felt so big and so old–I had initial conceptions about what being Mrs. Martin would be–I thought at first it would mean having the most perfectly decorated house, with delicious meals every night (in fact, the first meal I made for him in that house was NOT one of his most favorites:), and we would just relish and enjoy each other’s company (every single minute!) Well…it wasn’t that…in fact, in that first year especially, I was very insecure and difficult to live with, it took time to learn to communicate and give each other space and not take everything so personally.

Interestingly, 25 years later, I enjoy my marriage with Darrell more than ever. He and I each take the imperfect, recognizing that it is not a reflection of how much we love/don’t love, it just is–he and I are each complex and wonderful people who have learned to focus on how we can invest in each other first. We choose to focus on the best and accept the not so good. So…as we stood in front of that old house, I thought, “I am glad these two people, the ones standing here now, are the ones going to France.” It is a special gift to be able to come to this place and feel the change and development you have gone through.

In this time of revisiting our past, I am trying hard to ground myself in the foundation and the deep roots I spoke about earlier–one distinguished by the value of sacrifice for the greater good, hard work, kindness, and authenticity… To remember, what I have learned the last 25 years about people and the beauty of their (and my own) stories, and the opportunity to share this new adventure with my very best friend.