A Cariad Life

Almost one year ago today, we sold our house on Bainbridge Island–it was the first major step into realizing this dream of moving to France. For the next few months before we arrived here, American friends (and strangers) would ask, “have you always wanted to live in France?” or “why France?” The focus was often on where we were going and our motivation for going there. It was seldom about what we were leaving behind and why we were leaving the US. For many Americans (and people all over the world), we have idealized this idea of living in France. Social media provides a constant feed of images of gorgeous French homes and chateaus, surrounded by fields of lavender or vineyards and long beautiful tables of antique linen and candles set in courtyards. Books, articles, magazines, and television shows, all depict these glorious visions of delicious food, amazing art and culture, and a pace of life that says “we are about living first.” France for many depicts the way they think life should be lived.

There is a danger in romanticizing another place (or person) though–it can not only create false expectations but it can also hinder us from seeing clearly where we are and what we have around us. In my posts this past year, I’ve tried to show that France is not perfect–there are hard parts, frustrating parts, and lonely parts. What has shifted the most for me though in the time we have lived in France is how I feel about my home country–America. Ironically, it is the French that have helped me to see my home a bit differently and love it a bit more than I did when I left.

I wouldn’t say I disliked America at the time we left, and we certainly weren’t running from it (there are those ex-pats who readily admit that they are fleeing what America has become to them.)…I did feel though that the US was a bit like that overly dramatic friend in high school…just a bit tiring. The politics, the loudness, the overconsumption, the bickering…all of it was just getting a bit much. I also wasn’t ashamed of being an American; I just thought that everyone around the world was also tired of our drama (I still think that is partly true), so I wasn’t sure I should share my nationality so readily.

What I found though was after the French learned I was American and not English (strangely they don’t hear the accent difference), they perked up. They were curious–the first thing they asked was, “you have everything in the US, why would you come here to France?” Some would say, “I love the US–I hope I get to live there one day.” One Parisian guest even told us we should advertise that we are Americans because we would get more business. I was completely surprised; I began to see that maybe others viewed us differently than I thought they did. I started noticing that everywhere around me the impacts of the US are seen…Apple phones, Levis, New Balance tennis shoes, US cities on T-shirts. My neighbor regularly plays American music. They are astounded by the sheer size of our country–“you have MULTIPLE time zones” one guest marveled and speak of the “gravitas” America has in the world. They speak with reverence and awe about our national parks and love to name all the US cities they have had the chance to see (though I wish they would visit more than just NYC and LA).

Yes, they do recognize we have drama in our politics (but so do they) and they recognize the freedoms we have (with a lot less bureaucracy). Don’t get me wrong, I still believe there are many areas in which the French are getting things right and even better than the US (healthcare and paying waitstaff a living wage to name a couple.) Yet, there is something that I didn’t see as clearly about America that I see more clearly from “across the pond.” Americans are innovative and creative–particularly when it comes to business, and they have freedom to be creative because our laws allow for it. For example, there is a VERY strict set of rules for how one sets up business in France and the scope of what you can do is very narrow. In the US, you can set up an LLC for “any legal activity.” This level of freedom opens doors to innovation. It is reflected in how we, as Americans, approach life–“the world is our oyster.” Unfortunately, we have often allowed that freedom to lead to overconsumption and disregard for others.

Although I have loved living in France, I will say I have never been truly homesick until I came here and part of that homesickness is for my home country. I don’t really care if it sounds corny, but I am proud to be an American, and I really appreciate the French for helping me to appreciate what I didn’t see clearly before.

P.S. If being from the US makes us “cool” among the younger French especially, having most recently moved from Seattle makes us “super cool” (or as cool as aging Gen Xers can be:)