A Cariad Life

Last week on June 21, Darrell and I celebrated 26 years of marriage. When we married, we had both just turned 23, had very little money, and really had no idea of what we were getting into. Our wedding day in my hometown in NC was very hot, 98 degrees, but our family and friends were there at our 2pm ceremony at the church where I grew up –it was a simple but sweet wedding with both of our pastors performing the ceremony. Afterwards at a local country club, we had Hors-d’œuvres and a lemon pound cake my mother-in-law and her friend made–still one of the best cakes I have ever had. Sit-down dinners for receptions were not really a thing where we grew up. Although there was some dancing, it was fairly limited; in fact, I am pretty sure all of our guests had left by 7pm. That day didn’t put us into debt–we just tailored the wedding to what we could afford, with a bit of help from both of our parents.

When we moved to Maryland, we learned that many wedding couples hosted dinner at the reception–there was a bit more dancing and drinking. Darrell and I got used to a wedding being 4-5 hours total. It was the same in Washington State, and as we got older we knew there were lingering guests staying to dance, but we were often ready to get home–always home by midnight. Regardless, most venues ended the festivities by midnight or just after anyway. Now, we have come to France and have learned that French weddings, though very similar, have some important differences. Although we haven’t been invited to a wedding yet, every weekend in June and July we host wedding guests, so we have learned quite a bit from them.

First, I should mention that in France the separation of church and state is a big deal–this means that the actual marriage ceremony (the legal marriage portion) is performed as a legal ceremony by the maire. There is no religious component and it is open to the public. From my understanding, the couple arrives 10-15 minutes before the wedding appointment slot and then they exchange vows. Sometimes, couples will choose to also have a religious service, but I have yet to hear of a couple who has had a follow-up service in a church, though some may have one at the venue before the reception. Often those services are at 3 or 4 pm in the afternoon.

Most of the wedding celebrations here are held at local chateaus–the entire place is rented for 24 hours or more and the couple chooses a caterer, who may or may not be part of the chateau. We have three chateaus within 15 minutes of our B&B that are often used, Chateau du Fayolle, Chateau Saint Privat-des-Prés, and Chateau Le Mas de Montet. (Can you imagine saying your wedding was in a 16th century chateau??) These venues are stunning, offering accommodations for the wedding party and virtually any service you can imagine. I have no idea the cost, but weddings here like the US are expensive and can be 30,000 to 50,000 euros.

After the “service,” there is usually a 3 to 5 course meal that goes on for hours, with toasts and dancing. What really makes French weddings a bit different is that they often go on ALL night. From my understanding, there is a bit of soup served late into the night/early morning to give everyone energy and then they are up all night–with the music and dancing growing more trendy and silly. We have had guests return anywhere from 3 am–6 am. One time we hosted the DJ, and he got in just before 7am.

Running a B&B with this type of schedule is a bit hard, as we serve breakfast from 8 am to 10 am and check out occurs by 11 am. Many times our wedding guests miss breakfast entirely, and I have to knock on doors at 11am to remind them of checkout. Interestingly, as much as they party and stay out late, they are super quiet when they come in. Not sure how the French learned to master being drunk and quiet at the same time, but it appears they have. They also ensure to never drink and drive–the taxi business is robust here and appears to be very reliable for wedding guests.

As far as the dress for wedding guests, men always wear suits and the women are in summer dresses and will bring hats and fans if the ceremony is in the sun. Their shoes are both stylish and comfortable, recognizing they may be walking on gravel and grass. I’ve yet to see anyone with large gifts, though I have seen several guests with cards. One thing is certain, the weddings are highly anticipated, with many of our guests booking with us 6-7 months before the wedding. They all appear to have had a great time. I’m looking forward to experiencing one myself one day–though my body turns off by 2am, so I won’t be able to hang in there until early morning hours:)