A Cariad Life

Yesterday, I turned 49. My younger self would have considered 49 to be the age where one is fully turning the corner into older years. Like many of you, I feel young inside, and then I catch a glimpse in the mirror, or stand on my feet for too long, or get asked to do something during the day AND at night and realize…I am, feel, and look fully middle aged and approaching the last third of my life (or hopefully last half!) All of this has caused me to think about the impact of my life–do I make a difference? Has my work, professionally and personally mattered? I know many of us ask those questions of ourselves, and it seems I hear it a lot from younger people too. We want to know our life mattered and that we made an impact.

This past weekend at the B&B we had, as always, lots of interesting visitors. One set was from Germany and they were here to celebrate the sister cities of Riberac and Rietberg, a partnership that turned 40 this year. Every year, the two countries take turns sending citizens to each other’s cities and there are festivals, celebrations, speeches, and lots of drinking. One of our German guests mentioned to me that our B&B is very well-known in our village of Riberac and it is well-regarded. He said everyone here knows it as “the place with the blue doors.” He joked that whatever we do, we can’t change the color of the doors. (It’s an interesting side note that people in town seem to know our B&B only by the door color and not the name because we don’t have a sign with the name outside–it just says “chambres d’hotes”–something we need to remedy.) Similarly, about a month ago, we had someone from our village bring her family to check in–she said, “this B&B has a very good reputation in this town.”

Their comments made me think of Paul and Lesley, who bought this property when it was in shambles 14 years ago, fully restored it, and then ran it as a B&B for 12 years–of all the time, commitment, hard work, relationships, and nurturing they invested. In the beginning, they were only spending money and not making any. Lesley said in the early days, during restoration, when they had no running water and heat only by a wood stove, they would go to the cinema just so they could sit somewhere warm and have a cheap date. Finally, two years later when they opened, running the B&B wasn’t always enjoyable and it most certainly was tiring, but slowly they began to make an impact in this village. Day in and day out, they did the work and they invested in the local community. Making an impact takes time–it’s not a splash in pool or a sudden bright idea. It is most certainly not a full home renovation completed in 30 minutes on HGTV. It’s doing the grunt work, consistently and patiently, and after a while a reputation is built.

As I start my march toward 50, and take a look back at the last 49 years, I am listening, watching, and learning from those wiser than me. One of those is former President Obama who shared the following things in the Netflix documentary, Work: What we do all day, when asked what advice he would give to a 30 year old looking to make an impact:

1. “Relax”–it doesn’t have to be all figured out. Not everyone has to love me or think I do everything perfectly. I just need to show up, be me, and take a breath.
2. Make time for the important things–“spend more time on who you want to be than what you want to do”–I want to be the person who makes time to talk to our sons each week, has good meals with Darrell, and stops what I am doing to talk with a guest or a neighbor. It feels good to not be rushing like I was earlier in my career–there is still a lot to do, but it doesn’t have to drive my time. The pursuit of who I want to be will do that.
3. “Realize that impact is built over time”–although we are building our reputation here, it is still early. Thankfully, we have the foundation that Paul and Lesley instilled to build upon. There is no snapping fingers and all is perfect (the one where we speak fluent French, fully understand all of the cultural differences, and never have an issue with the house, French government, or difficult people.) It just takes time.
4. Finally, our impact is the result of those who have invested in us and gone before us–When our guests first arrive at the B&B, they look around and marvel that we have only been here for five months, and then Darrell and I quickly clarify. The hard work with this property was done well before we arrived–we credit those who went before us, and whose work we have had the pleasure and honor of continuing.

Hopefully, one day the next owners will see our impact, and we look forward to continuing to invest here.