A Cariad Life

This week marks 4 months we have been running the B&B, and on June 6, we will have been in France for 6 months–wow! Time really has flown. It has been exhilarating, exhausting, at times mundane, frustrating, but always rewarding. After starting the visa process last September 2 (many of you rode that crazy ride with us), Darrell and I went to the Dordogne Prefecture in Perigueux last week and finally picked up our Cartes de Sejour, our resident cards! We are official residents of France and the EU and set for the next 4 years. Also, when we leave the EU and return, we will no longer get a stamp in our passport; instead, they will take a look at our cards for re-entry. Next step is getting our French driver’s licenses, which has to be done by December 6. We are declaring our earnings for taxes, paying bills, and learning to navigate French bureaucracy–it is not for the faint of heart. I have found, however, that just when you think something is never going to get processed or never going to get done–it gets done. France has truly built my fortitude muscles:)

I have written at different times about how things are done here in France, and some of those things were of little surprise to many. However, I thought I would dive into a few more–I call them “Best Kept Secrets” because these are things no one told me or I had never read before coming to France (and trust me I read A LOT about France for many years). So…I am writing them here, so that if you ever visit or decide to live here, you know!

1. Business and Bank accounts–There are a few things on this subject that caught me by complete surprise. First, although it really was my passion and drive to open a B&B that led us here, the French government has set up the entire business under Darrell’s name. It doesn’t matter that I used my name to apply for approval to set up a business in France. I am a co-collaborator, but Darrell is the principle owner. This means everything is in Darrell’s name, and I am secondary as his wife. This includes our bank account, which is titled, M and Mm Darrell Martin–my first name is not seen anywhere! When I sign a check, it is as “Madam Darrell Martin.” All mail that is sent to us comes this way. Those of you who know me understand what a big deal this is for me–Darrell and I have always been partners and he has always invested in my identity and I with him, but I am rolling with the ways things are done here. By the way, if Darrell passes away, I have to ask my sons who will inherit our house by French law, if they will take care of me (unless we create a will stipulating otherwise and even then it’s tough). The second thing about bank accounts, specifically, is that banks have spending limits on your accounts. It doesn’t matter how much money you have in your account, once you reach that limit–your can’t access money with your card. You can work with the bank ( at “in person” appointment of course) to request a higher limit, but the limits exist. I figured this out when I was trying to buy airline tickets–I knew I had the money, but my card kept getting rejected because the purchase would send me above my monthly limit. I learned from my friend, Harriet, that she learned this lesson the hard way at the grocery store. When she went to pay for her cartload of groceries, her card was rejected although she had the funds. I am sure there are credit cards here, but I haven’t seen them–most people appear to use a bank card, cheque, or cash. This means that when people pay, they have more than sufficient funds to actually buy what they are purchasing. I won’t say anything about the fact that I haven’t heard of a banking crisis here in France….
2. Bathrooms and Overall tidiness–This secret is definitely one I have never heard discussed or written about and it may be very specific to our region of France: next to every toilet, public and private, is a toilet brush. This may not sound like a big deal and many of you may not realize that it is unusual to see a brush beside the toilet in a public place, but it is unusual and this is what we have uncovered being B&B owners who clean bathrooms. The French are expected, and expect others to clean up after themselves. I won’t get into the “down and dirty,” but the toilets (in our part of France anyway) are clean because no one acts like they are above cleaning up after themselves–it’s not someone else’s job, it is your job. This also includes rinsing out the shower after they are finished. In addition, overall, there is very little litter on the streets–I have never seen anyone throw soda bottles or trash out the window on the highway or the road. The two exceptions are dog poo and cigarette butts–those are everywhere and though they provide poo bags, we still see quite a bit of poo on the sidewalks (not as bad as Paris though). Just make sure to look down when you visit:)
3. Conservation/energy consciousness and being sanitary–Although I have mentioned the energy crisis in Europe before and how Europeans, overall, seem more attuned to conserving water and energy. It is quite something to see in person: when leaving a room, lights are always turned off (sometimes they turn them off while you are in the room). When staying in a room, our guests will neatly stack any pillows or bedding they did not use on a chair. They share with me that this is done, so it doesn’t have to be washed. At first I thought they were trying to save me work, I now know they are trying to conserve natural resources. This includes not using the clothes dryer unless absolutely necessary. As soon as the weather is warm enough, you see everyone hang their clothes out–no matter how small or large the house. The belief is if you can line dry, you should. Last week, I had a guest give me her place setting after she had her coffee because she doesn’t eat in the mornings and didn’t want me to wash it. As an American, I couldn’t not wash it–I knew she had breathed on it. What I am finding here is the French hold great importance for the conservation of resources, possibly even more so than the “germs” that might be on surfaces or textiles. This is especially interesting after COVID. It’s not that they don’t expect things to be clean and sanitized, but their threshold is bit different than what I am used to. This has been a huge culture shift for me, and I still struggle with it (and wash with the frequency of an American). Yet, I am making efforts–turning off unnecessary lights, recycling as much as possible, and reducing my dependence on the clothes dryer.
4. Manners really matter–I know I have shared that the French greet each other and make sure to end every conversation with goodbyes and have a good day. This is so ingrained in the culture it literally sounds like a stream of words all said in one quick breath, “Merci-Bon Journee–Au Revoir, madame.” But one of the secrets I have learned and seen for myself is what happens when someone doesn’t use these manners. One gorgeous evening, Darrell and I were having dinner outside in a beautiful little village–the weather was perfect for eating outside. The host and server worked hard to communicate to us in English, and we worked hard to speak in French–to include greeting them and saying please and thank you. Before I tell you about this incident I observed, please know it was entirely in English–it wasn’t about speaking French, it was entirely about manners: I watched an American couple (I knew they were by their accent) walk up to the hostess and say, “Do you have any tables for 2?”– there was no Bonjour or even a “hello” in English. Then when the server said, “we do have one table inside”–they said, “so nothing outside?” — there was no “thank you, I am wondering if it might be possible for us to get a table outside?” The hostess said, “no, unfortunately.” Ten minutes later, what sounded to be a couple, who knew just a bit of French, walked up and said, “Bonsoir, would it be possible to get a table for two?” When the hostess was prepared to take them inside, the woman asked politely if it would be possible to have a table outdoors–the hostess obliged and set up a table for them. A table had not just opened up–the hostess was just willing to do it based on how she was approached. I’ve often heard that the French are rude and don’t want to help people, but I think people can be rude everywhere. As always, a little kindness and graciousness go a long way (oh, and a smile:). I have learned manners matter here, whether you are speaking French or English (and attempting to speak French is appreciated.) They recognize that we are connecting with each others as humans, and once we do that, we are more open to helping each other.

Please know I recognize these are just my experiences in my small corner of France. It is unfair to generalize an entire culture by my observations while living in a small French village. Learning these things though (the good and the bad) help me to navigate this culture–not to argue with it…it just is what it is.