A Cariad Life

Throughout our lives we build relationships, some deep and solid that last for years and some that exist just for a season–both are important. I’ve often defined the strength of each relationship not on how much time I’ve spent with a particular person, but how much we have confided in one another, the depth of our conversations when discussing important ideas and thoughts, and how quickly we can dive right back into our friendship, even if we haven’t seen each other for years. I’ve been blessed, like you all, to have that type of depth with some people in my life–they are the ones who are honest with me while also being kind; they are also my biggest cheerleaders. They genuinely care about my success. Several have already reserved their flights to France, and others let me know regularly I am in their thoughts.

Coming to a new country, where we literally did not know anyone at all (except for the previous owners who have actually moved to another part of France), I’ve had to learn how to start over–how to make friends and build relationships as an adult. I will say it is even harder to do now without a dog to walk (a very easy way to talk to people), kids at home, or an English speaking church to attend. There are very few Americans in our area of France and our opportunities to find connection and common ground (beyond with guests who are just here for a few days) is limited. Darrell and I have had to reach out beyond our comfort zone–sometimes asking friends from home if we can FaceTime and reaching out to local shop owners to say “Hi” and “how is business?” Lately for me it was going out to coffee with an English woman, Harriet, who with her partner has two small children. She and I met when she came by the B&B looking for a place for her dad to stay when he came to visit. That was how we met, and thankfully, she emailed and said, “I would love to get together for a coffee.”

She and I have gone to coffee twice and she is great fun–she laughs readily, understands the insane craziness of French bureaucracy, and she is fluent in French! At our coffees, I asked her all the things I had been dying to ask someone who could speak English: What is up with French banks and do they really all have monthly spending limits for their clients? (I am writing an entire future blog post about this–crazy!) Where can I find a good English speaking electrician? How do you work with the prefecture when they won’t let you make an appointment? Most importantly, “where can I get a good haircut?” (more on that in a moment!) We talked about how we both want to invest in our new community, and how we can get involved in revitalization efforts in our village. I realized talking with her how much I needed to communicate with someone (in my own language) who understood exactly what it was like to try to navigate a new country.

As a former French secondary teacher in England and who is fully bilingual, Harriet is now our new French teacher! Darrell and I started taking French lessons with her this past week and it was exciting when she told us that our French is more developed than she realized (our French is comparable to end of first year). We have homework, to include watching French TV shows with French subtitles, which I have done this week–it’s a fun “Sex and the City” type show with simple vocabulary. I was so pleased to realize that I could follow the storyline (overall). It was also great in our lessons to say French aloud with someone who understands why I would pronounce it the way I do and can explain why it should be pronounced differently in French. Darrell said, “it’s amazing, when she speaks English she sounds English, but when she speaks French, she really sounds French.”

So, it was from Harriet that I learned where to get my haircut. I should first say that besides banks, our village has more hair salons than I have ever seen–there must be 25 of them for 4000 people, so the choices are quite overwhelming. Harriet said she learned of this salon by doing what we all do as women: she asked a woman, who had a great haircut, who did her hair. You see I could not do that (not yet as my French isn’t to that point), but my new friend who can speak French could. This is how I learned about Sondra at Votre Salon, on the other side of my village. This past week, I worked up the nerve and walked into the salon and in very jumbled French asked to make a hair appointment with Sondra–it happened to be her behind the counter. There was one problem–she didn’t speak a word of English. However, we were able to get an appointment scheduled for this past Tuesday.

Now, speaking of relationships–one of the most sacred relationships most women have is the one with the hairdresser. Hanna, my hairdresser in Seattle (High Post Salon), had been doing my hair for at least seven years. I followed her when she left her salon and started her own business with her colleague. She knew about all of my work ups and downs, knew all about my kids and husband, and we always had great talks. Even better, she was a great colorist and stylist! At my last appointment in October, we gave each other a huge hug goodbye. Now, here I was going to just not a new stylist, but to someone who didn’t know me, someone with whom I could not communicate and share, and someone who didn’t know my hair. I was stressed (and a bit sad!) Darrell trying to be helpful, but also in a very typical “man way” said, “it’s just hair, it can grow back if it’s not good.” However, as many of you will understand, the relationship and the trust that develops between a hairdresser and client would be harder than ever if we couldn’t understand each other.

When I arrived however, Sondra was a delight. She took time with pictures and google translate to ensure she knew exactly what I wanted–it had been 6 months since I had a haircut and I was in desperate need. She washed my hair more thoroughly and gently than I have ever experienced…and then she got to work. You all when I tell you that she was a master, I am underselling her. She started by combing my hair out and placing a heavy plastic cover over my shoulders, so that it would hold them down completely straight and then in about 10 quick strokes she cut the length first–she was fast, she was precise, and she was absolutely confident. Then she dried my hair–the length on my new bob was perfect…but here is where the real magic happened. With my hair dry, she took one hand pulling my hair up above my head and used the other hand with the scissors to fan through, snipping away, as she let it fall–hair was dropping everywhere. Again, she was so fast and sure, dancing around my head and even hopping up when she could not fully reach (apparently her chairs don’t raise and lower). I wasn’t sure what I would see at the end, but it was the most perfect cut I have ever received–perfectly straight, level, and smooth. I told her as best I could in French how perfect it was and “thank you.” She was also quite pleased when I booked my next appointment. I was really stoked that the entire thing was only 40 euros! Here’s the thing–we could not communicate, but in that hour she earned my trust. She was kind, welcoming, and approachable and she didn’t have to say a thing for me to learn that about her. I also learned that she is competent–competency transcends language.

I guess I am learning that building new relationships will take a new set of muscles–it will require vulnerability, learning to connect in new ways and about things that are different, and it will require me to just jump in. I’ve posted a couple of pics of my new cut–of course, this as it is a few days later it’s my blowdry not hers:)

Also, one more thing–last Thursday, I received approval of my resident card!! So now, Darrell and I are set for the next four years:) By the way, one of the first people I texted once I found out was Harriet. She responded with “that is such great news!!!”