I’ve always considered myself to be a fairly independent, assertive, and adventurous person–overall, I am not scared of change, and I approach situations with high levels of risk with an optimistic attitude, “what’s the worst that can happen?” I know I can also be seen as stubborn, determined, and a bit naive, almost a “Pollyanna.” All are true and embarking on this adventure has highlighted all of those qualities, including the one that I am not too proud of…I don’t like to ask for help or admit that I may need it.
It’s not that I think others can’t help me when I need it; it’s more that for much of my life I have thought I shouldn’t need help…I should be able to figure it out. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the kindness of others, I just tell myself, “you are a smart and capable person; you are not a victim and you always have choices–work hard and smart to meet your needs. If people do things for you then great, but you shouldn’t depend on that.” Just admitting in writing I have felt this way and have spoken this way to myself makes me a bit ashamed because this journey over the last 10 months has shown me many, many times that this type of thinking is at best arrogant and at worst destructive.
So here it is…this is BIG for me…I need help (j’ai besoin d’aide). It’s not just nice to be given help, I actually NEED it. Not just because there are things I cannot do for myself, either due to a lack of knowledge, skill, or expertise, and not just because I physically cannot meet many needs on my own, but also because asking for and accepting help is an important part of being human and giving people help (in whatever way we can–big or small) is part of being human. We need each other, we were designed for community, and we are each wonderfully vulnerable. Who am I to deprive anyone (including me) of this fullness of humanity?
The last 10 months have made this humanity very clear–here are a few ways Darrell and I have been helped over the last 10 months…
–I’ve had former colleagues and friends find me consulting opportunities that not only yielded much needed income during this transition, but also provided us housing after we sold our home.
–I have a friend on Bainbridge Island whose family graciously hosted Caleb at their house for an entire week during the winter break, caring for our son in Washington while we are not there. Others have taken him for coffee or just invited to have him hang out at their house.
–I’ve met a new friend here who helped us find an English speaking electrician and someone who can cut my hair–she also is a former French teacher and said she will be starting up some classes.
–We are working with an expert here to help us set up our business correctly–paperwork, tax status, health coverage, etc.
–We’ve had multiple opportunities to pick the brain of Repos’ former owners who have assisted us with laundry/ironing tips, areas restaurant recommendations, leads on buying a car, and a myriad of other topics
–Our realtor on Bainbridge not only helped us sell our house, she paid for the plumbing repairs and to have the house thoroughly cleaned.
–One of our friends met the FedEx person at our former residence to get our passports to us in time to fly to France.
–People have taken us out to dinner, housed us, and prayed for us–they have poured out so much kindness, encouragement, and support in cards, texts, and messages.
This is just a sampling of the many, many ways people have helped us, and I am humbled by it. A friend recommended a wonderful podcast about kindness and how each of us can help–often in ways we don’t see as big, but in ways that are unique to our circumstances and our skills and talents. I’ve posted the link below if you want to listen because it encouraged me that every act of kindness, of helping others, matters. I recognized while listening that there is also a response–we don’t all just extend help, we also need to receive it. I’ve shared before that one of my favorite quotes is “we are all just walking each other home.” Sometimes, that walk is easy, but other times, you need someone to help you carry your load–it’s just too heavy. Sometimes you will carry it for another you, but sometimes, you need it carried for you.
I am so incredibly grateful for those that have helped us carry this load the last 10 months–you have brought refreshment and relief when this journey felt a bit overwhelming. There are still hard parts ahead…we’ve applied for our resident card (what a crazy bureaucratic maze!), we still don’t have health coverage, and we can’t seem to open a French bank account yet. Yet, I know we are not alone and there are those all around us who can and want to help us, and we need them. Embarking on an adventure like this, trying to live and start a business in another country where the language and culture are completely new, has forced me to fully realize my humanity, even the previously ignored part–the part that shows me needing others is the pathway to connection and community.
A Cariad Life 
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