A Cariad Life

For many years I have dreamed about what it would be like to run a bed and breakfast. As a traveler, staying in hotels, airbnbs, and bed and breakfasts, I’ve had my own expectations about what it takes for a space to be considered welcoming, warm, clean, and comfortable. Would my guests hold those same expectations? What other expectations would they hold and would those change in another country (of course they would)? What would be the perfect combination of experiences and surroundings that would cause guests to feel they really lucked out booking at my place? Booking.com indicates that those factors can be summarized, for ratings at least, by guests’ reactions to the facilities, location, cleanliness, staff, wifi, comfort, and value for money–all pretty straightforward, but what is that “je ne sais quoi” that makes one’s stay the ideal experience?

And then, there are the guests themselves…our expectations for anything are really only an extension of how we see ourselves, each other, and the world around us. Those expectations can shift based on the experiences we had previously, good or bad, and sometimes a place becomes the perfect place because it is just what we needed at a unique moment in time. So, as I considered providing a warm and welcoming bed and breakfast, I knew it would also need to consider the unique (and often unnamed) needs of each guest–a bit hard to do when they are often perfect strangers!

So after months and years of dreaming, our first guests have arrived and we have just finished our first week of hosting a B&B in France. Since Tuesday night when we were fully booked, we have hosted guests every single night, and we are always at least 50% full (crazy, for January!) In fact, tonight we have 6 guests reserved in three of our rooms and fully expect to get another last-minute booking, which will give us another full house.

We officially opened Friday, January 20. Thankfully, due to our rather difficult journey home from the US that did not get us to our house until Friday at noon, our first guest was not until Saturday night–an older gentleman who had been driving from Switzerland to get to Bordeaux to see his mother who was very sick. He arrived just before 10pm, and I don’t think I had seen anyone more tired. Instead of being nervous, I realized there was an immediate need, and we had the ability to meet it. In that moment, the only thing he wanted and needed was a warm bed where he could sleep and get a hot coffee in the morning, and we could give it to him. In that moment, I thought, “this is why I am doing this.” It’s so simple, but so powerful–to be able to see and meet needs. It was also the perfect first guest experience for me–it took the focus off my insecurities about doing this new work and meeting expectations and onto someone else.

We had a great conversation the next morning in his limited English and my limited French as he shared some of life work and more about his family–I’ve had similar conversations with many of our guests. This week, Darrell shared with me his surprise in how much our French guests open up to me and share details about their lives–not very common here to do that with strangers. I find, as I always have, each human story so unique and fascinating. For example, one of our guests, in his early 20’s, had just started his walking journey (big stick, backpack with a tent and everything) to…you will never believe this…Jerusalem! He is was so excited to share his plans, and I loved hearing about them (though I did think about his parents and how they were doing with all of this venture). We’ve met people whose work requires them to visit factory sites and stores, so they criss-cross France from Toulouse to Lyon to Bordeaux to Lille. We’ve met a father and a daughter traveling from the Pyrenees in the south to go north to a festival. Some stay one night and others, like our current guests of two men who work together, stay five nights. The common thread for now is that they are almost all French (we’ve had one Italian, who spoke better French than English, but was looking for a good pizza.)

My first learning is how pivotal our location, Ribérac, is–particularly for those who live in France. Because our village is about 4000 people, it is one of the larger ones in a radius of about 30 minutes. We are large enough to have a few stores and restaurants, and we make a good stopping point for those traveling across southern France from any direction. It seems that in one way or another all roads lead to Ribérac. I remember Paul, the previous owner, sharing with us that one could wonder, “why Ribérac?” He shared that although it is not the prettiest village in France (though it is lovely), it really is a gateway or a crossroads to so much of France. I certainly see that now for our travelers, and there is almost something sacred about being at the intersection of so many stories and journeys–there is an incredible opportunity to see and meet physical needs, but also to meet the need for human connection.

Having this opportunity to host so many French, as opposed to this summer when the Brits (and a few Americans) begin touring the area, has helped me to learn a few things thus far. These are my observations from the past week and in no way should be seen as generalizations of all French or French culture….

–Regardless of how quickly they need to get back on the road, there is always time for the French to sit for a coffee and pastry. I have provided yogurts, homemade granola, and egg souffles–though they will eat them, the real breakfast is coffee or espresso, a croissant with confiture (jam) and any other pastry (the pain aux raisin was a hit this morning), and jus d’orange (orange juice), which are fully enjoyed sitting down.
–The rooms are left so tidy–towels are always hung, bed covers are pulled up, and trash has been placed in garbage–even the sink has been rinsed (no toothpaste residue). It really is something to see, and I shared with my youngest son it puts us to shame when I think of how many of us leave a lodging.
–Our French guests have been incredibly patient with me and my limited French–they give me a smile and encouragement when I get a question or response correct and are eager to teach me new phrases. We had one guest welcome us warmly to France, and then say, “but you must learn French.” To which I replied,” yes we must and we practice everyday.” I’ve realized the directive to learn French is because language is such an important part of culture, particularly in France where dialogue and debate as well as the ability to express oneself with words is highly esteemed, not being able to speak French keeps me from fully engaging in this culture. His comment is his way of being kind and wanting me to be successful here.
–Our French guests will share honestly and kindly if they think there is something we can do or provide that would help our guests–for example, we know that our outside lighting needs enhancement due to several of our guests letting us know our place was difficult to find at night. I find the gift of honest and kind feedback so refreshing.
–French guests tend to call to make a reservation; they don’t email–this has been super fun when we speak limited French. Thankfully for us, they have not given up and together we figure out a way to get them a reservation.
–Our French guests have commented frequently their appreciation for the restoration of our old French home–they gaze around admiringly and say “magnifique” and “tres joli.” This morning one of our guests was taking a picture of our dining room with the table set and the fire going to share with his wife who is not traveling with him. Respect for the original architecture and classic French decor is also highly esteemed it appears.

I guess my personal biggest takeaway from this past week, particularly as a new innkeeper, is the importance of being attuned to the needs of others and doing my best to meet those needs–that is really the work. It is easy to get over-occupied with traveler reviews and if we get a “high” rating, but I really want to stay focused on each person and what they need in that moment. The other takeaway is that overall people are kind and they respond to kindness, care, and thoughtfulness, regardless of whether it is from a French or American host. I don’t worry that I smile too much or too big, have an American accent (which many of them have noted), or desperately want them to have some protein for breakfast, I am just myself and they seem to be OK with that. I won’t ever be French, but maybe this American B&B owner in the midst of this French crossroads has a purpose here.