A Cariad Life

By far, the hardest part of this journey, beyond saying goodbye to so many friends and family, has been the waiting…particularly waiting for news on things that are beyond our control. Waiting is so much a part of life though, isn’t it? Waiting in traffic, waiting at the doctor’s office, waiting for our food at the restaurant, and even bigger waiting… waiting for that “perfect” partner, waiting for the best new position at work, and waiting for our dreams to become fully realized…if I think of waiting as empty time, time wasted before I get a desired outcome, it seems meaningless and makes me impatient, tense, and frustrated.

You see for my entire life my biggest fear has always been wasting time–not using time effectively and efficiently. I am not sure from where the fear of wasting this resource came, but I have lived these last 48 years with that concern guiding every part of my life. Don’t get me wrong; placing a huge value on time and being as efficient with it as possible has led to some great successes in my life, but it has also robbed me of so much–rest and contentment, but also purpose. Paradigm shift–what if waiting is not wasting time, what if it is exactly what I am supposed to be doing and in that time there is a purpose, an opportunity, an ordained moment I am supposed to experience? For example, what if while I am waiting for the doctor, I see a friend in the waiting room (or meet a new friend) who needs a word of encouragement, and because I am there waiting, I have the opportunity to give it to her? This is the shift I am going through–there is no wasted time, if I choose to see every moment as a gift, even if I am doing something differently than I had planned.

So, how am I learning that specific lesson now? We’ll start with the passport and visa application. On September 30, we submitted our passport and visa application for a VLS-TS Long Term Stay visa. Upon approval, we would have a year in France in which we can work with a residence permit, and then we would need to reapply (from France) for a 4 year extension. 47 days have passed since we submitted our application, and we leave for France in 19 days–we don’t yet have our passports or visa and up until Tuesday, we had not heard a word from the French consulate, other than we knew they were reviewing our materials.

On Tuesday, not only did we receive our SC driver’s licenses that will allow us to get French driver’s licenses in our first year without taking the road or written test (Yay!), we also finally heard from a real person at the French Consulate in Washington DC. She sent us an email that said in order to process our application she would need copies of all our bank statements and pay stubs. I sent them to her within the hour. My initial frustration was, “why weren’t those materials on the checklist? I would have submitted them in September,” but then I intentionally forced myself to shift to, “I am so grateful that this person didn’t just reject our applications, she requested the information and we had the opportunity to get them directly to her.” This is big for me you all; do you hear it? Moving from frustration to what was done to me (and annoyance that the last 45 days have been “wasted”) to being thankful to what is being done for me (and grateful that we got this request 20 days before we have to leave.) My attitude moved from a closed fist to one of an open hand–ready to see and accept gifts in whatever form they take, instead of defensiveness, and metaphorically, I had to choose to “uncurl” my fingers out of a fist and into an open hand of gratitude.

Yesterday, she wrote again, and said that when we applied, we should have completed a “creation d’enterprise” for a Talent Passport, requiring approval from the French government. She included the link to complete, asking that once I get approval to send it to her. Yet another moment that started in my head with, ” this was never on the checklist, and if I had known, I could have completed 45 days ago and had it approved by now.” I completed the document in 30 minutes, submitted it, and received confirmation that it had been received and that normal processing time is 2 months! When I sent the confirmation email to the consulate representative and mentioned that I would send approval as soon as I received it, she wrote back these simple words,

Dear Madam,

The approval is usually pretty fast.

Kind Regards,

CG

Here is how I know I am changing–I choose to see the following: she didn’t have to include the link to the form in her email (which was so helpful); she didn’t have to send me any encouragement once I let her know I had applied; she also could have just denied our applications in an effort to “clear her desk.” What if in waiting and in having to experience unexpected obstacles in that waiting, we get to experience surprising kindness? Upon further reflection, I also realized that she is trying to get us a talent passport type visa–it is good for up to 4 years, not just one year, and actually our situation is perfect for it–another kindness. All of this waiting has been serving a purpose that I couldn’t see initially. There is so much going on that I don’t know about and when I push and strive to control every step, growing impatient and frustrated when I can’t do what I want, when I want it, and how I want it–I miss so much fulfillment, but I also miss opportunity to become a more whole, kind, and open handed person.

So, we are still waiting; now for two things: approval of our creation of a business with the French government and then our visa. We are waiting for our passports to be returned to us, so we can get on our December 6 flight–time feels tight and my natural inclination is to worry about time being wasted. But if I have learned anything through this whole journey, it is that I get to choose how to see this waiting time and that there is a much bigger plan at work–I just have to look for it.