A Cariad Life

Since we started on this journey of moving to France, we have had many loved ones–family, friends, co-workers–ask us questions about the process. This blog has been one of the ways I could reflect on those questions and try to share our hearts about this adventure and the heart journey I have been on. Thank you so much for the many kind and encouraging comments about these posts–they mean so much to me!

Two important questions we are often asked are, “How do your sons feel about this move?” and specifically to me, “How does Darrell feel about it?” (They never ask that question to Darrell about me–pretty sure everyone knows this crazy idea started with me!) I’ve shared before that the kids have been so supportive. They know this will be hard but have both shared they fully support this adventure and my opportunity to pursue life-long dreams and passions. They have made it clear that though they don’t intend to live in France, they will come to visit us.

The second question about Darrell is a good one, and I will say in advance that I won’t speak for Darrell’s feelings (that is the wisdom of 25 years of marriage–perhaps very soon though, he will submit his own “guest” blog on this topic!) What I will share is a bit about who I have learned he is as a person, who he is as my husband, and even more specifically who he has been for me in this journey…

Darrell and I met when we were 18 years old outside the snack bar on our first day of college in Florida. He was tagging along with his roommate and a few other guys, who approached my roommate, me, and a few other girls to introduce themselves. I noticed this blond hair, blue-eyed guy hanging back a bit, and I said “hi,” and asked where he was from. He said, “North Carolina,” and I said, “me too.” That first year, we shared one or two classes together and would talk and began to learn his heart for people and ministry, but we didn’t start to date until our sophomore year (another interesting story for later about how that happened.) We dated through the rest of college and dove into marriage at 23.

I start here because through our senior year, Darrell appeared to struggle with our next step, engagement and marriage–the long term commitment. For a long time, I thought he just was unsure about me (I was dealing with my own insecurities). What I know now is that Darrell is a “loyalist,” a 6 on the Enneagram. It takes him a bit to fully assess, but once he is in, he is ALL in. 25 years ago, as we were preparing to commit to marriage, he was fully processing what it would mean to be “all in”–it wasn’t about whether I was worth it; it was about his integrity: if he was going to do this and be the husband he thought I deserved, he wanted to be prepared for that commitment so that he could fully give me everything.

I can say in all our years of marriage, he has honored that commitment. Darrell tells me regularly that he joined “Team Moriah” 25 years ago and that hasn’t changed. Being on “Team Moriah” doesn’t mean he doesn’t speak his mind or that we always agree about next steps–it certainly doesn’t mean I make all of the decisions. It does mean that he supports, encourages, listens, and cheers me on–he is my biggest fan. He is my advocate, my defender, my coach, and my best friend. He is constantly looking for ways to invest in me, so that I can be my best–I try to do the same, though he really is the best at it!

…so this leads to the question about Darrell and France…yes, it started as my dream, not his. I’ve mentioned before that we have for many years dreamed of living in Europe, but Darrell has always been clear–he was not interested in a move to France. Even when we left to visit France in June, he said, “I am going so we can learn more, but I really don’t want to move there.” We visited and there were good parts and parts that scared both of us, so I’ve since asked him, “when did you decide that you could do this?”

He said, “when I asked you, ‘do you really want to do this?’” I remember that moment, we were sitting on the plane ready to pull away from the Bordeaux airport to go home. I looked out the window and saw the Air France logo on the plane next to me, and I thought–I don’t want to walk away from this opportunity. I turned to him then and said, “yes, I want to do this.” I also shared that although I wanted to make this move to France, I would not do it alone–if he was not in, we would not go. Later, on the ramp leading to the airplane we were taking from Iceland back to Seattle, he said, “OK, let’s take the next step.” He agreed he would go with me.

A song for our marriage has been, “Would you go with me?” by Josh Turner–there are points in our marriage, when we have asked that of one another. Some times it was easy to say, “yes,” as it was both our passion. Sometimes though it was harder for one person to say, “yes.” The thing is whatever it was, we didn’t want to do it without the other. Doing it together, leaning on each other, has always been one of the best parts of our marriage.

True to form, Darrell is “all in” for our move to France…as I listen to him struggling to learn French, share our story (with excitement) with others, and dream with me about how we will run the B&B, I am so thankful to be on this journey with him–his encouragement and engagement are the greatest gifts! Also, he has been on his own journey about what this move means for him, and I hope he will share it with you soon.

So…this post was not intended to be mushy and sentimental…and for those who know me well, I am not the most “overtly emotional” person. It is important though to acknowledge that coming to hard decisions as a couple are at times painful and they require sacrifice–they do not involve keeping score and trying to figure out who gives more and who hasn’t given enough. Darrell has shown me the value of living life and loving others with an open hand and having a generous spirit. This is love.