A Cariad Life

Yesterday, we sent many of the required documents to the notaire in France to begin the contract process…In France, those documents include copies of our birth certificates, passports, and marriage certificate. Another new experience… In addition, we wired our 10% down payment, which will be in an escrow account with the notaire. Fortunately, the exchange rate was good yesterday and other than minor fees, there is parity in our dollars to their euros. As soon as we have a purchase sale agreement, I will be sure to share pictures and more details about our new space.

In the meantime, I thought I should share more about the one question I am asked more than anything about this adventure (besides “why France?”, which I will later write about too). The number one question is…Do you speak French? One would think I do, right? I mean who in their right mind would move to another country to run a business to include interacting with guests and vendors if one did not know the language of that country? Well, that would be me.

Like most Americans, I took the obligatory two years of world language in high school–for me, it was French. And like most Americans, as a result, I could say yes/no, please, thank you, and good morning…that was pretty much the sum of it. Further, my teacher, Madame Spivey, did not particularly like me as a high school girl, who had little interest in learning this fabulous (yet, complex) language, and would scold me, in French, about my laziness…I was at least able to capture that part of the speech. So, I have memories of French that are very intertwined with shame.

For the last few months, I have been trying to devote at least 45 minutes each day to French language learning on Duolingo; I’ve watched French films with English subtitles, and I am seriously considering a private tutor–all of which shows me I am so very far away from a command of the French language . Here is the thing…I have come to realize that I will not fully understand and speak French until I am immersed in it. I have heard from so many who tried to learn another language as adults. Besides the value of immersion language learning, in a nutshell, here is what they said:

1. It is really hard and you just have to accept it is hard, but it won’t be hard forever. As I used to tell my students about effort (thank you, Montgomery County Public Schools who taught the Growth Mindset) the four key messages: 1. This is important 2. I can do it 3. I will not give up on myself 4. Effective effort leads to proficiency. So often in life, we avoid the hard things, don’t we? I want to see what happens when I push through the hard and get there. It is important to know French, to honor the people with whom I will have community. I am capable and can learn learn it, and I refuse to let myself off the hook. Finally, like all important things persistent and effective efforts yields results.
2. When learning a second language, you will never be as proficient as you are in your first language and you will always be learning. Whether it is the idioms, the slang, or the nuances that come with a language, I will always be learning French (include learning what I am saying incorrectly or not getting when native French speakers are conversing). Our innkeeper friends came to France 12 years ago with very little French; since then, they have learned to speak it–though they still practice with Duolingo and still find they unintentionally make mistakes. It happens! Which brings to the 3rd and important lesson…
3. Get comfortable with and welcome feedback about how you speak and write French. Feedback helps us improve; without it, we think we are doing it correctly and we lie to ourselves. I, like Brene’ Brown, describe myself as a “recovering perfectionist.” For much of my life, I have wanted to do it right every time and especially the first time–I used to see making mistakes and then God forbid, those mistakes being pointed out, as something to be ashamed about as if somehow it reflected that I wasn’t good enough. As Brene’ Brown says, “people who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.” My inability to take feedback really makes me a coward, but when I say, “who cares what you think, I am going to try it and even share the good and the bad truths about my efforts”–well, then I am leading a courageous life.

So, in the spirit of vulnerability and telling the truth of my story. No, I don’t yet speak French–I am learning and when I speak it, especially in France among native speakers–including those who frequent my business, I am sure I will fall on my face. I hope though they will see that I want to learn, I want feedback, and that like all people this is what life is about–taking on something hard and sticking with it.

A bientot! (I still haven’t figured out to access the French keyboard, so I know I am missing some important French punctuation:)