A Cariad Life

Two days ago, we placed our home on the market…we love our home and have spent the last six years restoring it to bring out its charm and beauty…even better we made it into a sweet home for our family of four. Darrell and I have two sons, Noah and Caleb, ages 21 and 18. Our oldest just graduated from university and our youngest just graduated from high school.

Our home is located on the south end of beautiful Bainbridge Island, Washington, a short ferry ride from Seattle with gorgeous views of the Puget sound and mountain ranges to the west and to the east. It is an idyllic, sweet community. So why sell? It’s a bit of a story and truth be told as of today, the story is still being written, but let me catch you up…

Since Darrell and I married 25 years ago, I have considered running a bed and breakfast—he and I would stay in them early in our marriage, and I loved the experience of someone expecting us and the warm welcome at our arrival (sometimes with a cookie or treat), the clean and beautifully decorated rooms, the opportunity to relax in the shared indoor and outdoor areas, and connecting with other guests over a delicious breakfast with really good coffee. I wondered what it would be like to structure your day as a host—preparing this experience for guests from so many different walks of life. I have always loved to decorate, cook, meet people, and learn their stories. Darrell and I have created a home that although is beautiful, is is also comfortable and welcoming. I like to consider every detail in creating a space that feels effortless, comfortable, and peaceful—a good bed and breakfast does this. I also wondered if the hosts ever found the day to day of running a bed and breakfast to be monotonous or mundane. Did they feel trapped and tied to their “home” and responsibilities of operating a business out of their home? Did they feel a loss of privacy? For many years, this dream set on a “shelf.”

Darrell and I also have dreamed of living in Europe—we have traveled there a few times and loved the culture and pace of life. We’ve dreamed of living in a village or town where we could walk to get coffee or dinner, enjoy beautiful parks, and immerse ourselves in the European way of life with good food, music, art, and wine. Of course, this dream is an idealized vision of Europe, but we knew that. We also knew we would wait until both of our sons had moved out of the house, so it has always been something that we thought about for the future, not for now.

Over the last 25 years, my career has progressed steadily—first as a classroom teacher, then an instructional coach, and for the last 12 years as an HR leader with the last 6 years as a chief officer of large organizations. I had the opportunity to put my skills to work—developing people and teams, setting and implementing strategic initiatives, and investing in leadership, and organizational development. Restoring and decorating my house, traveling, and cooking were hobbies—ways that I refilled my bucket from the intense and highly stressful HR work, but my day-to-day professional life became like a hamster wheel…meetings after meetings, hundreds of emails a day, and endless bureaucracy. I started to feel the impact physically and psychologically—I wasn’t sleeping well, and Darrell worried that I was quickly heading towards a heart attack. This May, I realized I have about 14 years of work ahead—what is the work I want to do? I love people and learning their stories; I love to build experiences and spaces where people can connect with one another and have time for reflection and restoration; and, I love to take care of people with good food and comfortable and beautiful spaces—my daily work was not providing me those opportunities anymore—I was becoming more and more removed from people, from real life. So…on May 1, I submitted my resignation from a job where I was earning over $200K a year, with May 13 as my last day. I had no position for which I was leaving. I dared to dream that I could be an entrepreneur and run my own business—a bed and breakfast—giving me the chance to do those things I love.

At first, the plan was to own and operate a Bed and Breakfast on Bainbridge Island. I found a beautiful little inn for sale, near the ferry, met with the owner and agent, and even agreed upon a price that would require us to sell our home and take on a sizeable mortgage—Darrell and I would live in the small owner’s apartment on the property. I learned to write a business plan; Darrell and I researched financing, licenses, and set up an LLC—we applied for loans. However, regardless of our personal finances and excellent credit, due to the economic outlook, very few banks were financing hospitality, and they were unsure of my ability to run a four-person inn, as I had never run one before (never mind, that as CHRO I oversaw multi-million-dollar budgets and directly supervised a team of 25). The only option was seller financing, and the owner seemed open to this possibility, as he loved my business plan and felt it aligned perfectly with the vision he had when he co-developed the property. I was devastated when I learned on May 4 that he accepted a cash offer from another buyer. What did that mean for my dream? There was no bed and breakfast, and my last day of work was coming up on May 13.

I began to look for other spaces. There were a few in other states, but all would require additional financing beyond the sale of our home, and I knew we would come up against the same obstacles. On a whim, I thought what about B&Bs outside of the US and began to search. Early on the morning of May 7, while I was having my morning coffee in the still-quiet house, I came across a posting for a B&B in southwest France—it was fully operational with 4.5 rooms and an additional apartment suite in a converted stable behind the house, with a courtyard between. An owner’s quarters occupied the entire third floor with a separate entrance. The property had been completely renovated and was in a small village. The owners, who had come from the UK 12 years previously, had lovingly restored the house, built the business, and were interested in retiring, but they also wanted to sell to someone who would care for and continue their work. All the furnishings conveyed. Best of all, it was on the market for a price that would allow us to buy it outright if we sold our home on Bainbridge Island—no mortgage! I ran upstairs and woke up Darrell and said, “we could buy a B&B in France! Look!”

I should say here that although Darrell and I have always talked about moving to Europe, the one place he said he did not want to live was France. We had been to Paris twice before, and he found the people rude, the city smelled, and he didn’t know French. So, I think he responded with a non-committal, “hmmm.” I decided to write the owners and ask for a bit more information, and so began a regular correspondence. P & L, the owners and operators, were incredibly generous in their emails, answering all my questions and writing detailed and kind responses that provided me a picture of day-to-day life of running a B&B, how they navigated France (to include not speaking very good French when they arrived), what they loved about France and how they invested in their home and community. I would read their responses to Darrell, and he would listen and ask questions, but he was far from interested in this possibility. Darrell’s position as Chief Operations Officer was going well—how would that work in France?

On May 16, my first workday without a “job,” I thought of all the ways I could run a business here other than a B&B, doing what I loved,–it all seemed empty. I was a bit panicked and feeling a loss of identity without a stable, salaried, high-profile job. I know it’s a bit vain, but the title and the salary had brought a psychological “safety net.” That night, I tossed and turned with anxiety, and I decided to read the innkeepers’ latest email…after reading it, I knew with confidence that what I really, really wanted to do was own and operate a B&B, and I was beginning to see that France would be a lovely place to do that—we could buy it outright, it was already a fully operating and successful business, it had been restored and would come furnished. We just needed to see and experience the B&B in France ourselves. After many long conversations, Darrell agreed that if we were going to consider this venture, we had to see it. So, we booked tickets to France for June 13. Remember, at this point I don’t have a regular paying job, so it was an incredible gift from Darrell to invest in the exploratory trip, when we really should have considered saving the money. His constant belief in my dreams and his willingness to invest in me is one of the many reasons I love him! Meanwhile, I did some HR consulting work on a month-long contract, prepared for Noah and Caleb’s graduations, and my brother’s wedding on Bainbridge Island.

I would love to say that Darrell and I both knew for sure as soon as we landed in France that this was what we were supposed to do—that wasn’t the case. We were both unsure, not knowing French (although we were both trying to learn on Duolingo) hit us in the face, our family was far away, and there would be laws, regulations, and cultural differences in France that we would have to learn. We were, however, both struck by the stunning beauty of the countryside and tiny villages of SW France, the expressive and animated nature of the French when they spoke, the delicious food and wine, and the very affordable prices of everything. When we got to the B&B, we noticed that it was as beautiful as the pictures and the B&B was in a working village (with pretty and unpretty parts). We could walk to coffee and restaurants and the weekly market on Fridays. I learned on the trip to see all of it—the good, mediocre, and the bad—which brings me to the first lesson I’ve learned when pursuing your dreams: don’t sugarcoat the hard parts, see it as it is. A friend once told me, “When you see an item of clothing you think you want to buy in the store, that it the time you will be the most in love with it—you will not love it more when you get home.” Our trip to France was that way, there were parts I loved, but I also saw the parts that would be hard and allowed those to co-exist.

Unfortunately, one of the partners of the Inn Keepers, L, was not there during our stay at the B&B, as she needed to return to the UK for a family member’s passing. We got to know P well and he gave us a tour of the space, provided us with breakfast each morning, and answered our hundreds of questions. He was kind, generous, and vulnerable sharing their story. The last night we took him out for dinner, and he booked a table for us at the local wine bar where we enjoyed charcuterie and delicious bottle of red wine from Bergerac. There was a wonderful community atmosphere with live music (and I even forgot that I couldn’t speak French)—Darrell and I both felt at that moment, “we could live here.” On an earlier night, we visited one of the chateaus and met a couple of Brits, who were friendly and frank—sharing the good and the tough parts of living in France. One of them invited Darrell over to come over and hang out for a beer in his “man cave” when we returned. Both of these experiences were important as they let us know that “community” existed here, and we could be a part of it. On the flight the next day, we talked about this potential move, and as we were on the ramp boarding the flight from Reykjavik to Seattle, we decided, “let’s do this.”

So here we are…selling our house. Next, we have to agree on a price with the inn keepers, work with a notary to draw up a Purchase Sale Agreement, 10 days later pay a deposit from a French bank in euros and enter into a 3-month purchase process. We also must get visas in time to fly to France to sign the final papers (has to be done in person), requiring us to fly to San Francisco and make the request in person to the French Consulate there.

We expect to live in the PNW until the first of November to ensure our youngest is fully set up at university here and our oldest is set up in a new job and shared house with his friends and our dog, who is staying here with him. November and December will find us at a rental in South Carolina, as it is one of the few states in the US that has reciprocity with a French driver’s license (we definitely do not want to have to take a French driving test in French!) Over the next four months, we will be in deep French language learning and selling everything we own, except for 6 suitcases and a few boxes we will ship. Darrell and I will both be working remotely until we go to France, and Darrell may continue as his work and our schedule allows. Our boys both support us and as my oldest said, “this is a culmination of so many of your dreams.” Our kids hear our dreams and I hope by setting after them, we inspire them to chase theirs.

It will be an adventure getting to France and even more so when we get there…and it will be hard; I will write about it regularly, so if you’re interested, please stay tuned. I have been amazed by the number of people who want to hear this story and are interested in how and why we have chosen to do this, and what happens next. They are encouraging, hopeful, and amazed—some may think we are crazy (though politely, they tell us we are “brave.”) Let’s see what happens…