A Cariad Life

Two days ago, our house closed…the final belongings that we can’t quite yet part with were taken to our storage space in Bellingham, which is also mostly filled with our boys’ remaining belongings while they are also in transition. We drove away from the house and within a few hours the new owner was moving in…surreal!

Last Thursday, we took Caleb to university–it was bittersweet in that he is ready for this wonderful next step, but the items he wasn’t taking with him, were going to storage. We were all fully aware he was saying goodbye to his Bainbridge home for the last time–a brick and mortar “home” in the US. I’ve struggled with feeling selfish for pursuing this dream, knowing that he just can’t come “home” whenever he feels like it. I also know we, his family, are home and we are here physically until the first of November. Beyond that, we will be connected. He also has close friends and family whom he will rely on–those relationships are important and Caleb works diligently to cultivate and invest in them. He also told me, “I do not want to be the reason you don’t do this.” So here we are…my goodness, I love my boys and their generosity of spirit, kindness, and heart for people.

So today, I am settling into our new temporary home next to the water in Kingston. I am beginning my work with a local non-profit. This home, provided as part of the compensation for that work, is a blessing in and of itself, but having a home with a water view and such a peaceful atmosphere is astounding–a dream come true. It is the perfect place to recover from the exhausting work of preparing to place a house on the market, clearing out before it is shown, and then cleaning out everything by the closing date…oh and taking our youngest to university. I feel, at last, my soul is taking a big sigh and getting a respite before the big steps ahead.

We let the inn keepers know that we needed August to get the house sold and Caleb to university, and we will then start the purchase process at the beginning of September. They were very supportive and recognized the major life changes (stressors) we have going on right now. One of the biggest is that we are empty nesters now….although is comes with some great freedoms such as not having to close the bathroom door, eating dinner when we want (or not at all), and a lot more free time, it is requiring a new level of communication and being really honest with one another.

I felt so much loneliness last night in this new space (literal and figurative). It was helpful to speak honestly and openly with Darrell about it. We are in this space of incredible change–we are grieving the loss of our identity as parents with children at home, as residents of Bainbridge Island, as home owners with collected home furnishings and possessions, and for me as an executive with a high salary and great retirement plan. At the same time, we have this exciting adventure ahead. At times, it can feel like too much change.

I am learning that my identity is not in any of the things I just mentioned and it won’t be in being an inn owner in France–those are important parts of my journey and they have and will have a big impact in how I see and experience the world, but my identity is much deeper. God is creating in me who He designed me to be and I want to allow Him to work through my strengths, gifts, and talents to impact everyone with whom I come in contact. Darrell and I have the opportunity to continue to be “home” for our boys and for everyone we meet–you know that feeling of being able to be yourself, to relax, and feel loved and accepted as you are. That is what we are being called to do and be.